Sounds crazy, doesn't it. A bit of an oxymoron - I know – but it's the truth. Every couple of years or so, I found myself in a customer service job (because it paid my bills) while I planned, plotted and dreamed of the life I really wanted to live. Every time, I'd get sucked into the paycheck and wholly neglected my dreams. By the end of 2020, I'd had enough.
"I'm a grown woman! I can do whatever I want." - Beyonce
Luckily, my parents have worked hard all of their lives, and they put me in a position where a thirty (almost thirty-one) year old me could live comfortable until I figured things out. It took me a while to ultimately decide to quit. I'd taken 2 paid mental health breaks before I said fuck it and didn't go back. Answering phones and other customer service forms are cool if that's your thing. It is not, has never been, nor will ever be mine.
I was still freelancing, making a little cash here and there. Freelancing is tough, but I knew I had to tough it out to make these dreams come true. I couldn't pay my parents any longer. So, I got some good government assistance and gave them the card every month. The least I could do was provide groceries. Don't get it confused…I didn't beg or ask them for money every week. I wasn't out gallivanting around town. I was and still am getting shit down.
Planning has always come hard for me. This free spirit would buy a planner at the start of the year, use it for two weeks and be done. Not this time. One would think, "what do you have to plan with no job?" Well, I picked up an internship with SHEEN and my writing time drastically increased. My homework had to get done, and PR companies came out of nowhere with requests for product reviews and zoom meetings and such. Breaking all of my work into daily projects made life so much easier. By doing so, I bypassed the overwhelming anxiety-ridden repercussions of procrastination. I also had time to learn. My reading picked up. I actually finished books. Learning the practice of Hoodoo became a huge focus. Meditation and yoga kept me ZTFO (Zen TF Out–In case you didn't know). My love for tarot and oracle cards grew wild, and I connected with my cards. Writing a blog post per day and stacking content was easy. All the things I'd wished I was doing while I was pretending to fix phones were done.
It's hard to say if I would fulfill my dreams if I'd chosen to stay in a miserable place. To be honest, I highly doubt it. I'd probably still be bound to a daily dose of Prozac to make it through.